To satirize and demystify student life at Ave Maria School of Law

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Hot off the presses!

This just in from several sources...


Hamilton to Transfer!


Ryan Hamilton said he will TRANSFER regardless of the outcome of the election. Sources quote him as saying that he is only running to pad his resume for transfer but that he is leaving either way. Apparently he is considering BYU and a few locations out in California.

Will this influence the election against him? Odds are he will already be a distant third when the votes are in. People cannot miss his "lackluster" Senate record where he did not even speak or contribute ANYTHING combined with his shotty attendance.

Today at the Executive Board debate, according to the minutes, he unfurled his three part plan (with no specifics) to solve all of Ave's problems (though we think that him transfering would be a great start). He referred to them as the three R's: Relocation, Retention and Recruitment (if someone at the meeting could email us with any insights of things he said that were not in the minutes, it would be appreciated).

Our thoughts on his three part plan:

1. Relocation: him transfering sounds like a great idea. A+

2. Retention: he will have contributed to, in some negative way, to the retention problem for this year through his blog, hateful rhetoric, and juvenile antics that has lead to so much division. But he failed to address the issue directly like he did for item one. A-

3. Recruitment: if he was so concerned with contacting each and every incoming 1L as he claims to be (per the minutes today), maybe he should have volunteered during admission's office drive to actually contact them. Instead, he was too busy skipping meetings and not paying attention to notice. However, a number of the prospective 1Ls did cite his blog as a 'serious concern' for coming. B+


Overall, we would asses the Hamilton ticket as mildly disastrous to seriously disastrous on the Disaster Scale. His "I would lie and say anything to be elected" quotient was particularly high at the Executive Board debate today, even for Hamilton, but his failure to do more to negatively impact recruitment and retention really shows his lack of serious commitment to his cause.


Mr. Hamilton: We sincerely hope that you will follow through on your intent to transfer. You needed to start quitting a long time ago... or atleast start now.